By: Sarah Bossio, Certified Pediatric Sleep Expert
This is an exciting time! You have two (or maybe more) kids, and they are now sleeping really well. You are looking for more space, whether that means moving the baby out of your bedroom, or moving both kids into the same room to make room for other children, (or maybe you're creating an office!) How do we do that? How do we manage multiple kids of different ages sleeping in the same room successfully together?
Room Sharing: The Basics
The Importance of Independent Sleep Skills
The first thing that I want to stress with the utmost importance is that both children are independent sleepers. Both children should be falling asleep on their own completely from an awake state and sleeping through the night without needing you (with normal exceptions like sickness or a bad dream every once in a while).
For the most part, you should be seeing solid evening sleep, and they should be waking up at a generally appropriate time, sometime between 6:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m. every morning.
Why is that important? If you have a really independent sleeper and a not-so-great sleeper, you can inadvertently reinforce, or continue to create, poor sleep habits for the weaker sleeper. You don't want them waking up your good sleeper, right?
Often, families tell me they run into the room the second their youngest child cries because they don't want them waking up the oldest. Imagine what that's like if both of them are sharing the room, and you're constantly in and out of that room trying to tend to one or the other. It's just not a good idea and will create more work and exhaustion for everyone.
Preparing for Room Sharing
Once you have established healthy sleep habits and are ready to make the leap, with furniture ready and a plan in place, it's time to prepare both children for room sharing.
Setting Expectations with the Older Sibling
Start with the older sibling. Have a one-on-one conversation and a family meeting to explain the exciting news that they get to share a room with their brother or sister. Explain the rules: the room is still for sleeping, and now they just have a buddy to keep them company. Encourage them to stay asleep if they hear their sibling wake up in the middle of the night.
Using a Toddler Clock
A toddler clock can help with this. Use one that either stays red throughout the night or has a sleeping face on the clock. This will prompt your toddler to understand they should stay in bed even if they hear their sibling. You can also give them suggestions like taking their lovey, turning over, and trying to go back to sleep.
Using a Sound Machine
Most kids are deep sleepers and won't be as bothered by noises around them, but if you're concerned, use a sound machine. Place it between the two beds or even under the bed if using bunk beds to muffle and mute any sounds around them.
Prioritizing the Younger Sibling's Bedtime
For the younger sibling, especially if they are a baby, prioritize their bedtime first. It's usually a faster bedtime routine for the baby, and once they are asleep, move the older child's bedtime routine outside of the room. Have special connection time with them in another room before leading them quietly to bed.
Bedtime Routine for the Older Child
Once the baby is asleep, move the older child's bedtime routine outside of the room. This is a great time for one-on-one special connection time with Mom or Dad. Read books, chat, and make it special. Remind them every night to be quiet when going to bed because their sibling is already sleeping.
Ensuring Successful Room Sharing
By following these steps and ensuring both children are independent sleepers, room sharing can be a success. If you're not there yet, consider sleep training. Check out my blog posts on how to sleep train your toddler or baby using timed checks or the chair method. Establish independent sleep first, then come back to this blog post to understand how to get them into the same room together.
Are you trying to room share with your kids?
I would love to hear about your experiences, whether successful or challenging, so please send me a message! If you find you need further support, consider booking a discovery call with me to learn more about working together one-on-one.
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If you want to learn more about what it's like to work with a sleep consultant, please take a look at my sleep training packages and book a free discovery call with me. I can learn more about your situation and explain my approach; that way, you can determine if my services may be the right fit for you and your family.
May your coffee be warm,
Sarah
Sarah is a Certified Pediatric Sleep Expert based in the NY/NJ Tri-State area and has helped over 500 families worldwide get their sleep back on track.
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