By: Sarah Bossio, Certified Pediatric Sleep Expert
You have made your way here because you are in the process of sleep training your child and something's not working. There's just something that's not sticking or you're not seeing the results that you're expecting to see. Let's talk about what could be going on and how we can fix this together.
Let's talk about the 3 main reasons I encounter when sleep training isn't working and find out how we can fix it together:
The Top Reason Sleep Training Fails: Inconsistency
The number one reason why sleep training does not work is because there is some type of inconsistency in the method or the way that we are teaching our child. When we teach inconsistently or when there is a missing piece to the puzzle, we get inconsistent behavior and inconsistent results.
Identifying Inconsistencies
If you see inconsistencies in your child (i.e. they sometimes fall asleep on their own but sometimes they're crying for longer periods, or you've had a ton of great nights and then all of a sudden they keep waking back up, etc.), that signals inconsistency to me. What I want to look at is the way that we are teaching them and to do some self-reflection. Let's analyze the methods you are using and zero in on whether or not you're truly being consistent 100% of the time.
The Science Behind Sleep Training Struggles: Extinction Bursts
The second reason why your child may be struggling through sleep training is because of a scientific phenomenon that's backed by research, and it happens almost anytime we decide to change behavior. It is called an "extinction burst".
Understanding Extinction Bursts
An extinction burst occurs when we have a behavior that we're trying to extinguish. The behavior we're trying to extinguish is "needing help to be put to sleep", and there is a burst in that needing help to be put to sleep. In other words, there's an increase in that behavior. This usually happens sometime between nights four and seven of sleep training. Sometimes it can happen a little earlier or a little later, and what it means is that the brain is fatigued.
Navigating Extinction Bursts
When we hit this wall of fatigue, or the extinction burst, our child will see a little bit of a regression or dip in progress.
Often at this stage, parents think, "Oh, it was just beginner's luck," and decide to give up on sleep training because they feel like they are right back to square one.
But that's not the case at all!
When we reach the extinction burst, I'm on the phone with families right away, saying, "We've done it! We're nearing the end mark. We are almost to the finish line, and if we just push through these next two or three nights, we're going to see your goals accomplished."
Personalizing Your Sleep Training Approach
The last reason why sleep training may be a struggle right now is because your child is an individual. If you have gone into the sleep training venture by using a course that does not have follow-up support or by piecing together information from Google, Instagram, or books, and your child does not align with general information, then it's going to be really hard to figure out what isn't working unless you have an expert eye. Those can be excellent resources, but they won't provide the tailored approach you need if your child's needs do not align with them.
Why Individualized Sleep Programs Work
This is exactly what I help families with: personalizing their sleep program, ensuring that I understand what their child needs to learn, analyzing how the child is learning, and supporting parents as their accountability partner and sleep expert, troubleshooting and making tweaks to the program to ensure we accomplish our goals effectively. I do this through my individualized sleep programs, which I'd love to talk more about with you. The best way to do that is by booking a discovery call with me.
Get Personalized Sleep Training Help
If you are in the process of sleep training, I'd love to know how things are going, what method you're using, and how old your child is. And if you're experiencing any difficulty, let's figure out what the best method will be for your child.
I frequently post new sleep tips and advice for toddlers, babies, and preschoolers on my Youtube channel. Subscribe and enable notifications to be the first to catch my latest videos!
You can bookmark my blog to keep in your back pocket. It is a library of free knowledge ready to help you when you need it!
PS: Every week, I host a free sleep Q&A on my Instagram. I love to know that my content is helping families sleep better, so please DM me and let's connect on the 'gram!
If you're seeking sleep training support, be sure to check out my sleep training packages and book a free discovery call with me. Together, we'll talk through your child's sleep challenges and I'll tell you how I can help.
May your coffee be warm,
Sarah
Sarah is a Certified Pediatric Sleep Expert based in the NY/NJ Tri-State area and has helped over 400 families worldwide get their sleep back on track.
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